12 kinds of Facebookers

According to CNN, these are the 12 most annoying Facebook users -

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up." "I had Wheaties for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies -- you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway -- might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 "friends?" Unless you're George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That's just showing off.

The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks -- baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic they are." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Obscurist. "If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Grist for the mill." "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are you?"

So which one are you ;)

Damn! She was HOT!

"I cant believe she dumped me", he said his eyes filled with tears. He was about to cry.

"Be a man. Lets go out for beer", Kush said. The only solution Kunal came up for every problem was beer. Kunal looked at me for some support and i followed his foot steps and said agreed with the plan. We told Rohit that he deserved much better and even made him talk to my friend (a girl) and my sister. We being guys dint know how to handle the situation. Some how girls seem to master this art.

"She was cheating on him for 6 months and he dint know?" Ash asked me surprised.

"We knew, he dint want to believe that".

Yes, we all knew that Red Head was cheating on him. We told him but he trusted her. Girls have this thing (i don't know what thing) that makes us believe the lies and deny the truth. They make us crazy, blind, deaf and stupid.

Me, Kunal, Rohit, Ash and Mohit went out for beers that night to a near by pub that was now our usual hang out spot. Me, Kunal, Rohit and Mohit ordered beers and Ash had her usual mock tail. We were just starting to have fun when Rohit spotted the Red Head with a guy dancing on the floor. There he went sulking again. Damn her! couldn't she go to some other pub. She spotted him and hurried off with her guy hand in hand. The next hour all of us tried to cheer him up and I was fed up. What was wrong with him, Couldn't he just be a man and accept that his ex was a BITCH!

I could not take that any more so I decided to go out for fresh air. I went out and in the parking i found a girl crying. What was wrong with everyone today. I tried to ignore her and walk but something in me said otherwise and I asked her was she alright.

"Yes, i cry when I am happy", she said sarcastically. I bit my lip. I knew that was a stupid question but dint know how to start.

"Err.. Sorry. What happened?" I wont deny that I have been on many dates and have girls who are friends, was in love before, had a girl friend for like 2 years but I still dint master the art of talking to girl when she was crying. I was bad at these situations. I never got the right words to say.

"Hmm...", she said wiping her nose. I knew she was wondering if or not to put her life out in front of a complete stranger. I waited for her to continue. "I just got a call from my dad back in India that my dog died. Don't you dare laugh", she warned.

"I wont. I know how to feels to loose your dog. I have lost my dog too", loosing your pet is like losing a part of you.

"Oh! I am sorry. Its just that i had him since i was 15. He was my best friend. I knew this was coming, he was old and all", she broke down again. "I miss him".

"Don't cry... err whats your name?"

She smiled and said Payal. Her smile distracted me. For the 1st time, i noticed she was gorgeous.

"Would you like to come in and meet my friends".

"Sure".

The next half an hour we told her about our 4 dogs (3 alive and 1 dead) and she talked about her dog. She was not only gorgeous but also looked hot and i was getting attracted to her. She told us about herself and i liked her attitude. She even cheered Rohit up which we all had failed to do. I really liked the girl now.

"Payal", some guy called her from behind after an hour.

She sprang to her feet and hugged him and said, "Guys meet my husband".